i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
