Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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