the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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