I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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