he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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