from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize