oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
