Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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