it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize