I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
