I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
