I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
