I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize