The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize