For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
