she was so not down for the gang bang
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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