They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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