Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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