i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
