I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
