You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
