Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
