he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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