I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize