i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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