it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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