we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
