she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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