Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my shit smells like andre
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
