Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
