...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I need to stop coming to work sober
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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