Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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