I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
