Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
