This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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