just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
