And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
