He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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