i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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