You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
