Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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