ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
