The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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