Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
