A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
