I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
