We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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