i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
