That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
