Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
