I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
