yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
