How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
