i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize