the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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