I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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