He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
