Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
