for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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