Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
