and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
