My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
