i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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