cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
