nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
