I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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