No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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