if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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