I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I want to make a zoo with you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
