she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize