Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
